Assalam Alaikum warahmatu llah wabarakatuh!
Of late, I’ve been seeing posts from Half our Deen. They keep popping on my Timeline.
One day curiosity got the better of me. I eventually went through their fb page only to realize it’s a matrimonial site. Least thing I expected to be honest. It kind of intrigued me. I read more about it online and sub7anallah, seems so interesting. Only problem, I feel it centers an audience from America and Europe. I’m not too sure about Kenya.
Still torn and confused about joining it.
Two days ago, I received an email from IOU about “find your other half” webinar by Baba Ali and thanks to my earlier research I knew he was the founder of Half our Deen site. Sub7anAllah! I felt like it was in my Qadr to see it. That got me extremely curious. See, I have really been looking to get married now, I’ve mixed emotions about it. Excited yet extremely anxious at the same time.
So I set my alarm and prepared myself not to miss this webinar. It was set to start immediately after Maghrib. 7p.m local time. I was fasting 6 Shawwal, so after breaking my fast, I prayed and settled myself nice and good to listen in. My first webinar ever. I didn’t even know what to expect.
I did benefit. As I expose myself more to this idea of marriage, it’s becoming something I am looking forward to, accepting it. Many would say it’s way about time but I’ve come to understand the timing is never fixed for everybody. All humans are different and how they react to events and stages of life differ. For so long, I had set the thought of getting married to the back of my mind. I’m very good at that. It’s not deliberate, just how I’m wired. That applies to basically everything Not just marriage. Something ought to trigger it for me to start embracing it.
Back to Baba Ali, the webinar was informative Alhamdulillah, very useful tips MashaAllah. The main four traits people may look for in a Marriage partner and how to prioritize amongst them.
- Deen (Religion)
- Family Lineage
That there are four main temperaments where we fall into; Red, Gold, Blue and Greens and how each interacts with the other and how to identify good character Islamically. For example:making ones weakness into a strength. One who is always Tough learning to moderate their nature because of what Islam does to them. It softens their character for the better like in the example of Sayyidna Umar (R.A).
This type of temperament tool is just an example. I’ve learned that there exists so many out there trying to understand human nature. Just goes on to show how humans are complex and efforts are being made to ensure we effectively communicate with each other. Another example is the Myers-Brigg personality where it involves 16 different personalities and how they interact with each other. All in all- I feel being patient and making the effort to understand each other is what is important. Marriage is a partnership after all. Treat each other as equals. Both parties are important and they matter.
Next was understanding how different genders communicate and minimizing gender assumptions. Men are more visual whilst ladies are more into emotional connection. Men love being left alone when under stress yet ladies love to talk about whatever is bugging them. Some of these issues may seem so obvious yet they are the greatest source of misunderstanding amongst couples. Communication is always key.
How attraction doesn’t necessarily mean compatibility, tolerance has to be factored in. How to ask the right questions so as to gauge one’s character. These are more of Psychological questions and not about interests, likes and dislikes. Asking open ended questions where there is no right or wrong answers. Just answers to let you understand your compatibility levels. Like how one responds to different situations.
Most importantly not to limit ourselves in search of Half our Deen. It certainly takes time, and to inform the people around you that you are searching. Prayers alone aren’t sufficient. You have got to take action. Involve family, friends, join sites and InshaAllah you will meet Half of your Deen. As always what is meant for you (Rizq), is yours alone, it will never go to anybody else. Just that we have to be proactive about it as well.
That’s basically the summary in a nutshell. If interested for more information, he’s got loads of advice on his site and different modules to learn from. Currently discounted for 24 hours, well 12 hours to go as of now.
Meanwhile I’m Still working up the courage to inform my family and friends about my search for the Half of my Deen. I’m an extremely shy person and the marriage topic feels almost like a Taboo in my family. We’re extremely cultural people. I feel as if I’m being wanton for wanting to get married, that’s the cultural view. Kind of unfair how my dear brothers have it easier than we do. I know, I know! Brothers will say ours is easier coz we ladies have the brothers at our mercy and it hurts them when they get rejected. Yet the struggle is real in both ends.
I do know one Day we will be together InshaAllah, know that I have been praying for you, I hope you have been for me.
May Allah make it easy for us in completing Half of our Deen.
Do remember me in your prayers.