Half of Our Deen

Assalam Alaikum warahmatu llah wabarakatuh!4a4cd74601b85edad971e16bdcdd9495

Of late, I’ve been seeing posts from Half our Deen. They keep popping on my Timeline.

One day curiosity got the better of me. I eventually went through their fb page only to realize it’s a matrimonial site. Least thing I expected to be honest. It kind of intrigued me. I read more about it online and sub7anallah, seems so interesting. Only problem, I feel it centers an audience from America and Europe. I’m not too sure about Kenya.

Still torn and confused about joining it.

Two days ago, I received an email from IOU about “find your other half” webinar by Baba Ali and thanks to my earlier research I knew he was the founder of Half our Deen site. Sub7anAllah! I felt like it was in my Qadr to see it. That got me extremely curious. See, I have really been looking to get married now, I’ve mixed emotions about it. Excited yet extremely anxious at the same time.

So I set my alarm and prepared myself not to miss this webinar. It was set to start immediately after Maghrib. 7p.m local time. I was fasting 6 Shawwal, so after breaking my fast, I prayed and settled myself nice and good to listen in. My first webinar ever. I didn’t even know what to expect.

I did benefit. As I expose myself more to this idea of marriage, it’s becoming something I am looking forward to, accepting it. Many would say it’s way about time but I’ve come to understand the timing is never fixed for everybody. All humans are different and how they react to events and stages of life differ. For so long, I had set the thought of getting married to the back of my mind. I’m very good at that. It’s not deliberate, just how I’m wired. That applies to basically everything Not just marriage. Something ought to trigger it for me to start embracing it.

Back to Baba Ali, the webinar was informative Alhamdulillah, very useful tips MashaAllah. The main four traits people may look for in a Marriage partner and how to prioritize amongst them.

  • Deen (Religion)
  • Family Lineage
  • Beauty
  • Wealth

That there are four main temperaments where we fall into; Red, Gold, Blue and Greens and how each interacts with the other and how to identify good character Islamically. For example:making ones weakness into a strength. One who is always Tough learning to moderate their nature because of what Islam does to them. It softens their character for the better like in the example of Sayyidna Umar (R.A).

This type of temperament tool is just an example. I’ve learned that there exists so many out there trying to understand human nature. Just goes on to show how humans are complex and efforts are being made to ensure we effectively communicate with each other. Another example is the Myers-Brigg personality where it involves 16 different personalities and how they interact with each other. All in all- I feel being patient and making the effort to understand each other is what is important. Marriage is a partnership after all. Treat each other as equals. Both parties are important and they matter.

Next was understanding how different genders communicate and minimizing gender assumptions. Men are more visual whilst ladies are more into emotional connection. Men love being left alone when under stress yet ladies love to talk about whatever is bugging them. Some of these issues may seem so obvious yet they are the greatest source of misunderstanding amongst couples. Communication is always key.

How attraction doesn’t necessarily mean compatibility, tolerance has to be factored in. How to ask the right questions so as to gauge one’s character. These are more of Psychological questions and not about interests, likes and dislikes. Asking open ended questions where there is no right or wrong answers. Just answers to let you understand your compatibility levels. Like how one responds to different situations.

Most importantly not to limit ourselves in search of Half our Deen. It certainly takes time, and to inform the people around you that you are searching. Prayers alone aren’t sufficient. You have got to take action. Involve family, friends, join sites and InshaAllah you will meet Half of your Deen. As always what is meant for you (Rizq), is yours alone, it will never go to anybody else. Just that we have to be proactive about it as well.

That’s basically the summary in a nutshell. If interested for more information, he’s got loads of advice on his site  and different modules to learn from. Currently discounted for 24 hours, well 12 hours to go as of now.

Meanwhile I’m Still working up the courage to inform my family and friends about my search for the Half of my Deen. I’m an extremely shy person and the marriage topic feels almost like a Taboo in my family. We’re extremely cultural people. I feel as if I’m being wanton for wanting to get married, that’s the cultural view. Kind of unfair how my dear brothers have it easier than we do. I know, I know! Brothers will say ours is easier coz we ladies have the brothers at our mercy and it hurts them when they get rejected. Yet the struggle is real in both ends.

wpid-muslim-couple

I do know one Day we will be together InshaAllah, know that I have been praying for you, I hope you have been for me.

May Allah make it easy for us in completing Half of our Deen.

Do remember me in your prayers.

Fi-Amanillah.

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Frustrations

frustration

I was hoping that the next time I came back would be with answers.

Alas! I am still as confused as ever. Top it up with frustrations.

What really is in this life?

How do you get the energy to wake up every morning knowing you are working in a messed up life?

Where people hardly care?

Where it’s a man eat man society?

Where you do good and people eat you up for showing your humane nature.

Where you conduct an honest living and everyone around you is corrupt making it close to impossible to function normal.

Where you try make the world a better place but everyone around you is simply opposing the very thought of it.

I try drawing encouragement from this verse of the Quran (76:8-10)

وَيُطْعِمُونَ الطَّعَامَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِ مِسْكِينًا وَيَتِيمًا وَأَسِيرًا

إِنَّمَا نُطْعِمُكُمْ لِوَجْهِ اللَّهِ لَا نُرِيدُ مِنكُمْ جَزَاءً وَلَا شُكُورًا

إِنَّا نَخَافُ مِن رَّبِّنَا يَوْمًا عَبُوسًا قَمْطَرِيرًا

“And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive,

[Saying], “We feed you only for the countenance of Allah . We wish not from you reward or gratitude.

Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful.”

Indeed, I do not wish for reward from you, but it is so heart-breaking seeing the path humans are choosing to take. Away from Humanity, away from the right path, away from justice and fairness. Really life would be much easier if everyone abode by the path of Allah (Monotheism) and the teachings of the prophet Muhammad (S.A.W)

‘قال عليه الصلاة والسلام فيما رواه أنس بن مالك رضي الله خادم رسول الله e، عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ:

((لَا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لِأَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ))

(متفق عليه)’

“None of you is a believer until He loves for his brother what He loves for himself.”

I only pray for strength and guidance to the right path and staying firm on it and for guidance for the rest of humanity.

Life is beautiful, but we humans make it ugly with our actions. We are our own enemies.

Lost

I feel so lost.

Where am I heading? What am I doing in life? I have no idea.

I just feel like I exist.

I know am Muslim. That is my greatest identity. That is the main constant that has been with me since time immemorial.

That’s about it all.

I do what is required.

I know what am supposed to do as a Muslim and I do it.

For so long I act in the Islamic manner. I Pray, I fast Alhamdulillah. I strive to do what is right and avoid what is evil. I’m not perfect, far from it. I do my best within my ability.

My mind and heart knows and feels this is the right way, but I am still lacking the peace. I feel troubled.

No. Don’t get me wrong.

I’m not considering deviating from my path. I love my path and deep down I know it is the only path

I’m just praying for Guidance

For Iman

For Taqwa.

I have always put off thinking and questioning existence.

Afraid of deviating into shirk.

But now it’s back to haunting me.

Thinking about it all the time, of what am doing in this life.

I feel am just wasting my time.

These worldly things truly are temporary. You never get full satisfaction to last you a lifetime. It’s always fleeting, running away from you and you have to keep chasing it. But chase it till when?

I feel I’ve wasted my 20+ years.

They’ve just been a blur.

I’ve nothing substantial to reflect from it. I’ve never worked for my Akhirah. It’s always been for the Dunya.

I’ve just been a robot. Doing what is expected.

Get an education

Go through formal school

Get a job

Work

Create a living

But for how much longer?

What’s it worth?

You just wake up one day and realize your life is over.

I’m glad this is happening now. That this self-searching is now rather than later.

When I’m still youthful and energetic.

I do know it’s a sign Allah loves me, He’s guiding me to the path, my realization is coming now rather than not being aware at all.

All I’m praying for is Iman and Taqwa in Allah.

I no longer want routine in my Ibadah, I want to pray to you Allah and really feel it, and be happy at it, not routinely doing it.

For that’s what it feels like right now.

Like am just doing what is expected, just like the way I’ve gone through my secular education and abandoned my Deen for almost 10 years.

I need you Allah in my life.

Guide me

Nawwir Darby